I Have To Wonder

I had someone ask me why I have so many friends across the country and yet don't know my own family. I have to ask why I have family that doesn't know me? It was mentioned that if I didn't like what my other state friends said I could just turn off the computer and walk away. So I have to wonder am I that shallow?

While I have less history with some of those friends, what history I have is not tainted by past experiences. They do not have years of tacit agreements like those that sometimes come with families that are less than functional. Face it, that includes almost all families.

I come from a family that does not communicate well with one another. It was not safe to say what you thought or express what you felt - at least this is how I felt growing up. So I own that I am working towards learning what works for me in relationships. What I am not willing to put up with in relationships, and which relationships nurture and support me.

It was suggested I make the first move towards knowing my family better. I'll have to ponder that one. It takes two to make it work, as well as faith. And it will take some healing on both sides. While I can work towards that myself, I can't do it for the rest of them.

Woof and the Door Shall Be Opened

I let Kobe, Mick and Hank outside this morning. Well, Kobe wanted/needed to go, and the others went because Hey! the door is open! Don't want to miss an opportunity. Plus if one male is peeing, all the males want to water the spot.

The part I love is when they all want back inside at the same time. I looked out the door and they were all sitting there cute as can be. Hank and Mick side-by-side and Kobe in the back. I'm certain the conversation went something like this.

Okay, okay, okay - here we are, how are we gonna get the pretty lady to let us back inside. I'm just sure if we can get in that she'll fill our food bowls. Mickey said, "I'll sit pretty, she loves when I sit pretty." Hank said, "I can jump and wiggle. I'll just half way up the door that usually draws attention." And, Kobe, no doubt replied, "you wet behind the ears whipper snappers, let me be the spokesman. All I have to do is woof and she will come."

So there they were. Three pointers on the porch. One sitting pretty, one jumping and wiggling, and one with his deep woof that sounds like "roo, roo, roo". Now, if only I had a camera that worked and someone would wash the nose prints off the front door. I need to capture that moment. It doesn't get any better than two lemons and a liver waiting not so patiently to get in.

Possessed

Oh late, we've discovered Mr. Hanky is possessed. Surprisingly it's not by birds or rabbits. No, only a lemon head would be possessed by tomato plants!! I've been noticing the tell tales signs on a schnozzle that is nosing around the tomato plants. Kobe used to do it, now Hank has taken over for him. He comes in with green on his nose and forehead. I thought it was rather amusing. Until today when he began picking the tomato's from the plants. Now, it's not very freaking amusing. I found almost a dozen tomato's pulled from the vine and nibbled on. Let me tell you this, no pup messes with my tomato's!!! Oh yes, I'll be watching to catch him in the act, and protective fencing will be on this weekends chores list. The season of BLT's, pesto, salsa, tomato's w/fresh basil and mozzarella is way to short to share this crop. Not even with a cutie, albeit a possessed cutie, like the Hankster.

Speaking of possessed. I've encountered a woman at the nursing home my Mom is a couple times. She is usually waiting in the doorway of the chapel. I'm thinking she's a resident. She beckons you in and proclaims she's an evangelist. Today she called me in and offered me a blessing. Okay, so here's the deal. Number one, if she is a patient who is slightly (or perhaps more) delusional maybe that is not such a bad delusion to have. Number two, who among us has so many blessings that they would turn down an extra one. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I got my blessing. Perhaps she was delighted to have a live one to minister to. And maybe, just maybe, a blessing is a blessing is a blessing. She may not be ordained, or who knows, maybe she is. But, possessed or not, she had grace to offer, and I was a person in need.

Summer Dogs

I haven't written much about the dogs lately. Maddie needs to be groomed - she's got that woolly girl look going on. Of the four dogs, she's the only one who is smart enough to lay on the tile floor or go to the basement where it's cooler. Heck, even I've considered it when those menopausal surges come upon me.

Kobe - dear boy is the sweetest old boy ever. He is the revered senior here. Often when company comes the doesn't even come down stairs anymore. He loves his corner with his butt against the vent. In the winter it's his personal heater, and in the some his personal air conditioner. He eats like a champ, naps most the day, he gets assisted down the stairs. Life is good. Oh, he can get down them with out us. Down is not the issue, stopping at the bottom is!

Hammerin Hank is great - I almost hate to write that for fear of jinxing it. You should hear him yip his way across the yard. So much excitement in a blurr of white and lemon fur. I do wish I could reset his alarm clock about an hour or so. Hanks day starts at 5-5:30am. My day does not. But whence he used to howl in his crate at that time, now he catapults himself into bed with us. There is nothing quite like a pointer full to the brim with AM energy. Eventually one of us grows tired of the poky nose and wiggle butt. We walk downstairs on sleepy feet and let him out to enjoy the yard. Hank is happy to play in the yard until we are happy to great the day at a more reasonable hour.

Mick finds as many things to hunt in the summer as most dogs do during upland game season. He has posed in the most stunning of points while hunting a bee pollinating the flowers. And, he never hesitates to go for the kill of the bee either. And who knows what little bugs are under the shrubs? Mick's personal mission is to hunt them down and dig them out. And, the tomato patch must be his tropical jungle. I can always tell when he's been nosing in there by the chlorophyll on his schnozzle.

Best of all is when you see one of the dogs sitting in the yard content to watch the neighborhood. They look so wise, so beautiful, so "this is my place and I love it". Ahhh, to be so content.

Bling Me

I am not a complete girly girl, but I do love my bling. I rarely get manicures or pedicures, but mostly that is a financial restraint. But I do love my bling.

There is just something about sparkly jewelry that I can't resist. I've been going through my Mom's jewelry and frankly I'm hooked. There are not many antique pieces, but lots of collectible retro rhinestone pieces.

Funny how I (perhaps we) let jewelry define us. I always check out other women's jewelry and diamonds. I may get consignment clothes, but I'll drop some bucks on jewels. And actually, I make quite a few of my own pieces. It's just the way I am. I am all about accessories.

I never used to be this way, I generally wore just diamond studs. I was quiet, compliant and without an opinion. Of course, I never used to have dogs either, now I have four. Perhaps it's just part of the process of finding the real me and what makes me tick! That would be dogs, diamonds, bling, lots of bling. Laughter, faith, self expression, and, oh yes, did I mention bling?

I like sparkle, and hopefully, I sparkle too.

Self Esteem - woman style

Woman have the tendency to compare things. With a sweeping glance we analyze another woman's hair, make up, clothes, height, weight, diamonds, shoes, purse and/or car. This response is as natural as breathing to us. We do this almost unconsciously, and yet, we often find ourselves coming up short in some way, shape or form.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not tall enough for my weight. Not blonde enough, except for in my brain. Not trim enough as I should be. However, and this is a gargantuan however - I am beautiful in God's eyes, Reno's, my kids, friends and the dogs eyes too. I sometimes make a point of reminding me - that many women would be thrilled to have my body!

Just today, I was on the elevator with two other women. I did the whole scan and analyze thingy and guess what I discovered. Of the three of us, I was the skinny bitch! Maybe that wasn't saying much, perhaps it was saying volumes! Whoohoo! It was a great feeling! Not that I was condoning bitchiness, Au contraire. But, now raise your hands women, who of us hasn't judged someone as a bitch because we were jealous of their skinny? I'm right there with you, hand in air.

We need to embrace ourselves more, and judge other less. We need to celebrate the marvelous physical form that holds our heart and soul. We are more than we know, hope or dream. We are women. Even though we analyze, scrutinize, and evaluate every woman we pass, let's be gentle with our self. In fact, lets celebrate what we have and who we are.

Jewelry Party

I had a jewelry party with my Mom last evening. Actually, it was a walk down memory lane. Clearly I must have gotten my love for jewelry from her. Although, I wonder someday when my daughter goes through my years old stash of jewelry if she will discount most of it as hideous too.

I went to Mom's house yesterday and sorted through much of her jewelry. I took the valuable pieces and those with sentimental value up to the hospital last night. I layed them out on her tray and inventoried them with her. It was a bittersweet journey down memory lane. The old pieces came from other relatives. Many from my Aunt Helen, who wasn't really an Aunt. She was my Mom's 10th cousin. Some of the pieces were Helen's mother's.

I clearly remember being given my paternal Grandmother's wedding ring. I was 18 at the time. I was too young to have an appreciation for either the style or the emotional tie it presented. I do now.

We had a jewelry party to remember. We shared time and history. That was a gift in itself. Hopefully the choices we made about her jewelry will continue to provide a link between the past, present and the future women in our family. And maybe the story of two women, in the hospital, pouring over a tray of jewelry will add to that value.

Two Great Loves

I bet you thought this blog was going to be a juicy expose about, you guessed it, two great loves. I can't promise juicy, but I can write about Hank's passion for two things.

I always ponder, and wonder, about my fosters former life. With Hank, he knew all about crate training, knew how to do stairs, so I think he lived inside. Whatever his previous experience, he throws himself wholeheartedly into life with us.

If I had four legs (and lately it seems I could use them) I would be Hank's soul mate. We all should be as passionate about those we love as Hank is. Hank's bliss is to be at my side, touching if at all possible. His other love is to run in the yard. He goes out the door like a thoroughbred from the gate. His yard is his castle, his throne is a shady place under the tree where he curls up to nap.

Such a simple lesson. Such a profound challenge. Find your loves, wholeheartedly embrace them. Hank does, and it is such an honor to be one of them.

Lips

I have a new appreciation for lips and how they work.

For years we have teased Kobe, the Prince of Pointers about his funky bottom lip. You see, he'd had some kind of kicking injury with took out his bottom teeth, leaving him with a droopy lip. It is not pretty, and he is a bit of a messy drinker. Both my daughter and Reno squirm at the thought of Kobe's lip touching them. I use that as a threat, if they are not nice, that Kobe and I will come by dark of night and touch them with "the lip".

Lips do serve an important purpose and rarely get the recognition they are due. If you have never given thanks for and saluted your lips - do so today!!!

I know this because I had a close encounter with the pavement yesterday. My lip and nose took a beating. First let me say, no drinking was involved. Even though I have probably 15 years of dance background, curbs can be tricky things. The only good thing about falling is that is happens so freakin fast!

Today I have new understanding of Kobe's life challenges and for lips in general. I'm aware that many women use Botox for full pouty lips. I have that look today, but the road rash and forming scabs ruin the affect. My brother went so far as to suggest I left work early today because I was frightening the customers. I left because I was exhausted and achy. The sofa and the ice bag were calling my name!

In time the swelling will recede and the scabs will go away. I will think of lips differently though. With appreciation for their function and form. For Kobe and his lip - I have nothing but love, now more than ever.

Choices

There are times in life where there are several options on the table, and all of them suck. There is no lesser of two evils. And yet, we have to choose.

There are times in life where there are several options on the table and all of them are awesome. We can't have them all, we have to choose.

There are times in life we wish someone else could carry the burden, but we know we are the someone else. If we are lucky, we share the burden. It still hurts, but the pain is divided. Truthfully I'm referring to end of life issues. Frankly, our beloved pets are lucky we can euthanize them when there is no option for healing and quality of life is lost. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an expert in ethics. I know it's complicated and hard to decipher.

As I wrote when Abby the Labby died, her need for comfort was far greater than my need for her companionship. It was not a choice I made lightly, and will always be a choice I wish I hadn't had to make. The only saving grace was that choice gave her comfort.

So it must be with all the other life affirming and life releasing choices we make. They must meet the needs of the person/animal in need, and we have to trust we are being led to, and through the process of choosing.

It will never be easy, but it will be necessary.

Independence Day

Independence can mean so much in so many ways. We strive for independence, even though we need some healthy dependence. We celebrate our nations independence today, but perhaps we need to consider our own personal acts of independence and celebrate them too.

Since I filter everything through life with dogs I have to think of their independence as well. How many of our beloved rescue dogs need to celebrate today - all of them, even those who have crossed the bridge. Independence from neglectful owners, life in chains, abusive owners. Being saved from euthanasia because of owners who treated them as disposable. Where would the Jake's, and Sidney's, Taters, Kobe's, Hanks, Scouts, Lily's, Mia's, Pete's and all the others be without the second chance they have received? They got their second chance for independence and caring people opened the doors to a new life for them.

So I have to ask. Besides the traditional Independence Day celebrations we enjoy today, what other personal victories of Independence have you embraced. Or, maybe you have moved through it, but have yet to embrace it. It's time!

In our independence may there be a healthy balance of dependence and nurturing. May there be growth and celebration. May there be joy and gratitude. For me the dogs I love are the fireworks that light up the sky.

Whatever lights up your sky - celebrate it today, and everyday.

Sleepy Time

One would think lately that at bed time I'd drop in my tracks. Wouldn't it be lovely if that were the case. Of late, even though my body is tired, my brain won't shut off. It more than makes up for the times I seem to operate without one at all. It's a vicious circle - body tired, brain active. Brain tired, body achy (it sucks getting old I tell you.) Body and brain too tired to relax. Body tired, brain exhausted, temperature (read madly fluctuating inside) unbearable. I know where my bed is I just can't drift off to la-la-land peacefully.

On the other hand, Hammerin Hank is learning about the joys of not being crated at night. Of course, last night was the first night, so perhaps I'm premature about celebrating this success. He settled in the office on the blanket by my desk. He didn't make a peep until 6am when he vaulted on the bed to see if we were awake. There was no subtle sniffing at the side of the bed. Hank the Tank was sounding revelry.

Tonight, the first time I went to bed, he tried to tip toe his way in bed with us. But his overtures were declined like an unwelcome suitor. He only asked twice and got the message. Off he went to his place in the office. Close enough to keep an eye on us. Comfy enough for sweet doggie dreams.

Maybe now I'll be able to settle in and drift off to sleep. I'll just think happy dog thoughts and remind myself that all will be well, all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.